It’s witching month and I’ve been doing a lot of movie watching and a lot of soul-searching. Here is a list of who I think I would be if these horror movies were my life:
THE SHINING (1980)
Wendy Torrance– Shelley Duvall’s constant screaming and crying is very relatable for me. Not just in scary situations, but like, my daily life.
THE EVIL DEAD (1981)
No one– Because why the FUCK would I want to go camping?
Gale Weathers aka the reporter– I like to watch the drama and tell people about it, but I’d prefer to be ~*excluded from the narrative*~.
Miss Collins aka the gym teacher– I would also yell and shake people for making fun of periods BECAUSE THEY’RE NATURAL, OKAY? I also want to help you but will probably slap you in the process.
Annie– Because of how dedicated she is to getting butt.
Norman Bates– Because I also really love my mom.
THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999)
The Waitress at the Diner– I’m also so about spooky shit, but sure as fuck am not going to pursue the spooky shit. Just gonna live my hustle like a sensible person.
ROSEMARY’S BABY (1968)
Child of Satan– Self explanatory.
NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984)
Glen– All I want to do is sleep. Even if my significant other is screaming at me telling me if I sleep, I’ll die, I’d probably still go to sleep. I also love a good crop top.
SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)
Clarice– I too am a warrior against the patriarchy. I’m also really qualified to be a profiler because I watch a lot of “Criminal Minds”.